Please don’t call her a side chick. She’s a co-wife.

She’s a lyricist, poet, author, and practitioner of holistic medicine. That's what most people know about Amber Hasan. Those titles are amplified on her social media platforms and in communities. But what some may not know is that she’s a co-wife.

Nearly four years ago, Hasan dedicated herself to a polygyny relationship where a man is married to two women.

Black Like Us (BLU) had a chance to talk with Hasan about misconceptions and her experience being a co-wife.

BLU: How would you describe your relationship?

Hasan: We are religiously married. We had a ceremony and a process according to what we believe. It is not on any state documentation or anything like that. It’s like the merging of two companies, two entities. You are coming together to build at the end of the day.

Polygyny is having more than one spouse. I have really seen it across cultures, Christians, Mormons, people who are Muslim, Hebrew Israelites, people who are Moors are all practicing this lifestyle. There are people all over this country living this lifestyle, not in secret but not necessarily waving a flag about it. People have no idea. It could be their neighbors, it could be people at their church people, people who work at the store they go to.

BLU: What’s the difference between a sister wife and a co-wife?

Hasan: We don’t use sister wife. It’s more common to use co-wife within Islam.

BLU: What are the top misconceptions you deal with?

Hasan: The bigger misconception is about sex. People ask, are we having threesomes? No. Most people are hung up on sex. It’s not about that.

Do we have the same house? No. We are friends, but we don’t have to be. It’s not necessarily where we are all in a marriage. We have separate households. It’s not a together thing. Me and him have a marriage and him and her have a marriage. I’m not her wife. That’s not the case. My commitment is to him. I have loyalty and commitment to her as a human being, as a sister in general. She’s closer to me than other women because we are friends.

BLU: Why did you think being a co-wife would work for you? What made you take the leap?

Hasan: It works well for me. I knew I was able to do it after co-parenting with my ex-husband. He remarried and has a wonderful wife who is a wonderful bonus mother to my children. She loves my children just like I love my children. She rocks with them just like I do. If I ain't got it, she got it. If it's building community and it's building love, we should be supporting it.

Also, I have six kids. I have lupus. I’m a daughter. I’m an auntie. I’m an artist. I have found that in many relationships, partners felt like I didn’t give them enough attention. I be doing my thing. If you are going to be jealous of art, if you are going to be jealous of healing, then I can’t be in a relationship with you. Art is my real husband.

BLU: What’s the difference between being a co-wife and being a side chick?

Hasan: The whole side chick thing to me is weird. I think the difference is the other person in the relationship doesn’t know about the other relationship and is totally against it. In our relationship, there is communication. I’m responsible for this person. We made commitments to each other. We are adults. For me, it works better if my partner has someone else that I also trust. Someone else I trust is part of this agreement. We agree to keep each other safe in this relationship and be responsible.

Even if you are not sleeping in the same bed, you are still sleeping with a person who is sleeping with another person. If it’s done properly, it can be a very beautiful experience.

BLU: You have six children ranging from ages 20 to 7 years old from prior relationships. How did they respond, and how did the rest of your family react to your decision?

Hasan: My brother kinda broke the ice for me. He had two wives. It was nothing new to my family. My children, they don’t be tripping. My older kids we talked about it. They are cool with it. He treats me good. He treats them good.

BLU: Did you all have a meeting to get consent from his first wife?

Hasan: I was not privy to that conversation or the decision-making on that part. I know it’s consented. I know she’s a willing participant. She’s a very capable, very independent woman. If she didn’t consent, I feel she would have made other arrangements. Women do have a choice to say they don’t want to participate in this at all.

BLU: His first wife lives in a different city. You spend most of your time in the Atlanta, GA, area. How do you share time? Is there a schedule?

Hasan: He goes back and forth between Michigan and Atlanta. The kids go back and forth between Michigan and Atlanta. Just really trying to work the blended thing as best as possible. It all depends on what everybody has going on. If we are all in the same city, we have a set schedule, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and every other Monday. If he had to be at the other house because somebody has to come to do some work or something like that, I wouldn’t be like, that’s my time.

BLU: Since you are not legally married, how do you handle the legalities? What if something happens to him?

Hasan: I know that there are provisions made on both ends. And that’s a thing that sometimes people don’t think about. You know wills and things like that because that’s important. Death can make stuff weird. Then there’s the argument does this person owe that person anything. All these gray areas come in.

BLU: What are the cons of being a co-wife?

Hasan: Coming in is the possibility that you could be causing strife or unhappiness to another person. Even if you don’t, just that feeling that I’m intruding. I’m not legit, those things. If those things bother somebody, that can be a huge psychological weight for somebody. Cons of it could also be the rest of the family don’t understand. That’s gotta be difficult. If you and the first [wife] don’t get along and your [husband] is taking care of you, and he doesn’t have anything set up to take care of you, if something happens to him, then you could have nothing.

BLU: What are the pros of being a co-wife?

Hasan: If you look at on a spiritual level, being able to deal with your ego. Being able to understand you have no control over anything. To deal with the vastness of love in that capacity is a gift.

Being able to have a two-parent household. It’s always good to just be able to have a partner.

It makes a man, man up. If you have time for other stuff, you are wasting time. He has to manage two households, and he still has to do stuff for himself too. He still has to manage self-care and mental health, just all that stuff that goes into living.

BLU: Do you have any regrets?

Hasan: I don’t have any regrets, I don’t have too many regrets in life. We are just all out here trying this shit out in life. He might have some regrets. He might have put his foot in his mouth. Jumped without looking down. I’m trying to find all the silver linings. We can always walk away from stuff as people. If something does not fit your narrative in life we can walk away. It’s not some fantasy situation. It’s just real-life shit. It’s just how we live.

BLU: What advice would you give someone considering practicing a polygyny lifestyle?

Hasan: This ain’t 50 shades of nothing. This is every day. Some days you may be having a rough day, and that person has to leave to go be with their other person. I think, find your community of people. It does not have to be people in polygyny. Find people who generally love you, and you will have that support. You have to find responsible, respectful people, adults wanting to build healthy communication. People should assess what they value before. Make sure everybody is on the same page and [on] one accord, and just be open and honest.